Tuesday, September 14, 2004

move it along

So, I go out to 7-11 for a coffee just now and I go in, get my can of altoids and get back in my car. This 7-11 has a gas station behind the parking spots in front of the store. So, I'm backing out and I get ready to leave when this fuckpile of a man with a red shirt starts walking from the pump to the store (which means he'll have to walk in front of me) to get his coffee and pay the doofus at the counter for his gas.

I wave him in front of me (to be a nice guy) and he literally walked so slow I thought he was moving in goddamn reverse. It was like something out of a SciFi thriller.

I don't like to bitch, (actually I do) but trying to be nice and letting this guy go in front of me was the wrong fucking decision for me. I figured he was in a hurry to get to work the way he jumped in front of my car to go into 7-11, which I can understand. Man was I wrong.

Why do people do shit like that? If you're going to act like you're in a hurry, move it the fuck along. It's like having sex faster than a fucking wild bunny and then pulling out only to spend the next thirty minutes slowly stroking yourself until you've finished. Cock massage?

Anyways, by the time he gets out of my way, there are three cars lined up coming in and one guy behing me blowing his horn so he can get the spot I was backing out of at the time. What the fuck! Is he blind? I could write a seperate entry about that douchewaffle.

Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't in a hurry this morning by a long shot. I simply wanted this lardass to move his fucking feet a little faster. He should've put a shell on his back and got down on the ground and crawled into 7-11. That would've made more sense.

My point is simple; If you're going to jump in front of my car to get in the store quicker, pick them the fuck up and put them the fuck down. I don't mind letting you cross, but move it the fuck along, turtle.


Monday, September 13, 2004

Driving today.

Today I'm driving and see an old lady driving in front of me with hair so white it looked invisible. I could tell by looking at her reflection in her rearview that she had on those really thick, dark sunglasses that are otherwise used for welders. Naturally she was driving this bigass Crown Victoria; and of course it's big as a fucking Swift boat, just what she needs.

All is well and she's in the fast lane doing about 40 mph in a 65 mph zone. So, I try to get in the "slow lane" to pass her and as I do she jumps in front of me and cuts me off like I'm the invisible fucking man. By this time, I'm wound up tighter than a bull's asshole during fly season. I mean, I'm furious at this old fart.

Don't get me wrong because I respect old people, I just don't respect stupid people. So I get back in the "fast lane" and after playing dancing lanes with this old bitch, I finally get around her. As I'm passing her she FLICKS ME OFF ! Can you believe that? What a fucking douchelog. An old lady about 70 years old flicks me off when she was the one pokin up the fuckin road in the passing lane! I made no gestures whatsoever to provoke her to do that to me. If I had it to do over again, I would've told my brother to grab the wheel while I stuck my now puckered asshole up against the window and cut a huge fart. Then watch it steam up and write, "Fuck you, whifflehump" on it.

I propose to the Government that they start issuing annual driving tests to people over the age of 65. I think these tests should be full on examinations; hearing, vision, the physical driving test, written test, stool sample, bloodwork, you name it.

If they fail, someone should escort them to the front counter where they would systematically have their drivers license snatched out of their whithered fucking hands and cut up right before their very eyes. Then get the resident DMV idiot to throw it back at them while screaming, "YOU WILL NEVER DRIVE AGAIN, YOU FUCKING TOOL!"

I'm out for the night.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Fuck These People

Hello, I wanted to make this blog so I can bitch about how stupid most people on the planet are in their daily routines. I won't be talking about anything of any major importance, just shit I see stupid people do day in and day out.

So sit back, relax and learn something. If you're one of the stupid people I'm talking about, please get the fuck out of here.


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